Battle in the Yard

By Matt Heyden

On a hot day last week, I was working at the kitchen table, and watching the bird baths and feeders.  Under the mulberry tree I saw a disturbance.  I run a peaceful establishment here, so no barroom brawls allowed.  In the binocs, I see two of my largest gopher tortoises duking it out.  I watched for about 10 minutes, and it got more and more violent.  We have 5 of these pets on the property, but I can't tell them apart.  So, I didn't know what the battle was about, or even who came out of the closest hole.  What to do?  Finally, I realize it's getting serious, so I go out and slowly approach them.  They stand their ground, stop and both look at me.  I explain that I don't approve, and have bent over backward to accomodate them and all of their friends.  The property now looks like a bombing range!  I have no dogs, cats or kids.  The least they can do is share.  So, I decide not to move either of them, as I don't know who belongs where.   I swear I heard one of them say:  "never mind him, he has no idea whatsoever what really goes on in his yard when he's not looking, and he's just a tree hugger!!!"
I go back inside to finish my work, but can't help but watch.  It gets much more violent with both on their hind legs, and then one winds up on its back.
I have to make a decision.  Leave him on his back in the hot sun or not?  The poor guy was desperately fighting to get back over, but couldn't.  Now this is killing me, as I love all five of them.  Do I get involved, or let him bake?  I'm not going to tell you today what happened.  But think about this, as I don't know which of these tortoises belongs where.  What would you do?

…

We pick up here with one of my large gopher tortoises, now on its back backing in the hot sun.  No matter what he did, he couldn't right himself.  I had to make a decision.  My choices:

1.  let nature take its course.  If he bakes, he bakes.
2.  intervene, rescue him and move him somewhere else, but where?  What if this was his territory? What if he was actually not one of mine?

After watching him bake for about 2 hours, his legs stopped moving.  Yeah, like I would let that happen to one of my outdoor pets!  No, that's not what happened!  By the time I made my decision, option 1 or option 2, (which I won't tell you which one I chose)  something else happened, which I never would have believed.   The tortoise was on his back for all of 90 seconds.  The other tortoise re-positioned himself and charged with its head down, like a bull dozer.  In one crash, the tortoise on its back was flipped back on its feet, as if it were some kind of demolition derby.  The poor guy just stood there kind of stunned.  The winning tortoise then backs up, moves to the rear of the recovering tortoise, and charges again.  He was going to shove the tortoise far, far, away.  After the third crash, the recovering tortoise, ran, and I mean ran away. He proceeded to go through the thick vegetation at the property line, and under the fence to the property next door.
     So, peace has returned to the kingdom, or so I want to think.  However, after having 3 nights of barred owl visits, I can only find one rabbit.  It's almost like they can fly away.......naw.